sei-unt

I keep hearing that stupid “YOLO” term all over.

Although I will agree that it’s a fun word to say, I don’t think people grasp what it really means.

People whore themselves around. Kisses mean nothing. Romance is endangered. Little kids are posting trashy pictures of themselves.

You Only Live Once right? so why fuck it up by drinking and doing drugs?

you think you’re cool, but AIDS, pregnancy,and a shattered image are not the way a life should be WASTED.

I was raised right. Don’t do good in school, you will be a bum. Go out in sweats, you’re a failure in life. Go out looking like a slut, talking like a slut, you’ll be treated like one, and eventually will turn into one.  Sex is sacred and forbidden. Don’t date until you’re 18 and have your yourself together. Respect yourself, your family, and others that deserve it. 

When I came to college my family expected me to turn into a party girl. My cousin thought I’d turn into some depserate fat, drinking, attention-seeking sluty girl. Just like her. Well I didn’t.

Why? Because I had so many people that had my back. My brother was there to guide me- and I was smart, even back then-  and took the advice. I don’t know what he did, but he raised me right. 

I don’t need anyone telling me what’s right and what’s wrong, I just know. I always have. I knew when my mother wouldn’t let me go to a party.I didn’t go out everyweekend, instead I stayed in, got to know myself, read, joined clubs, became president of many of them. I always said school was my boyfriend, I waited until I was fully grown mentally to handle a boyfriend.

Alas, I understand not everyone was granted with a family like mine. 

Granted, my emotional well-being was never a concern for them, but  I have succeeded in life. and success is the best remedy to anything.

When I have a child they will not be anything like what I’ve seen of these slutty fucked up little girls. 

The world has is headed to shit if all the kids are like that.

I wish we could chose the people that are around us. Get rid of all those dumb kids that do nothing for this world and dump them in Mercury… well you know what will happen to those worthless bastards there lol.  But, until I create machine that can do that, we have to put up with their crap. And help them out I guess. 

Lord save us.

Isn’t family supposed to be what makes everything better? well they’re the only the ones that are making everything so hard. 

every.single.phone call from my mother has left me in tears. It’s no wonder why I’m the way I am. All I’ve known was indifference. All my family cares for is success. Now that I’ve failed they talk shit about me. No one has judged me. Not my friends, not my peers, BUT MY GODAMN FAMILY does! My whole life the only poeple that have ever judged me were them. 

My mother said she was there for me and that no matter my decision, she’d love me. And now she’s the one laughing about me behind my back to everyone. My brother thinks I’m useless and incompetent. And I’m here left feeling like shit and scared out of mind without family to care for me.

It’s not fair. I tried really hard and this is hurting me more than it is them. They don’t understand. I worked my whole life to get where I am, I gave up so much and I had to let it go. 

Now I’m left so beat up emotionally that no amount of optimism or perseverance will fix.

being told by your mother she doesn’t love you and that you’re a waste of her money is not the easiest to overcome. being told you’re more of a fuck up than a teen mom is not something you can just brush off. 

If no one will ever love me like my mom then I’m fucked. b/c she’s made it clear she doesn’t

abandoned-abyss:

show me that you love me

NEVER BITCH!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

What is currently happening in my life?

•  Vicente Fernandez! I have been listening to him and other Mexican Music lately. It’s so calming! and I need that right now.
• Room’s a bloody mess!
  
  
• I am tired of seeing 4898272627 Asians every day!! (I love them, but GODAMN!)
• I’m filled with sooo much hatred every day because I just hate these cunts I live with.
• Midterms are keeping me from Jillian Micheals and Pottermore!
• POTTERMORE!!
• Looking for a car! Dad is going to buy me a nice car :D  (Mitzubishi? convertable BMW? Mustang?) we’ll see 
• I’ve never loved my Boyfriend more.
• I’ve never been loved more by my boyfreind.
• I’ve made up my mind to leave UCSD. I tried to love this school, but my soul cannot take it anymore.
• I’m on the verge of tears 24/7
• I miss my friends like an immigrant mother misses the children she left behind in her country.
• I fear that my passion for learning is disintegrating…
• I’m lost. 
• Veterinarian? Nurse? Human Development?   Try Engineering again(I’m sure though: I hated it the third time, I’m gonna hate it the tenth time)
• My skin is not being my friend. It’s no longer supple and shiny and fresh . lack of water? nutrition? Vitamin E?
• I just realised, I like what I am learning in my Psychology class: neurons, reflexes, lobes etc. I do still love learning! I just need to motivate myself and rid myself of laziness!
• I LOVE JOSH HUTCHERSON! …or I am a fan lol. maybe not love him. that’s a bit too much for someone I’ve never met.
• I LOVE HUNGER GAMES! I read all three books in a dar (or two)
• I have just finished this book Uglies, VERY good book! (maybe I will review it?)
• I think I want to become religous, or at least go to church and attempt to read the bible, maybe I wont be as lost?
• like seriously, I’M LOST! who am I?! I’ve been called a bitch more times in the past few months than I have my whole life before I came to UCSD! am I really one? or have the circumstances I have been put in made me one? I’ve always been funny, and frank, but, until now it hasn’t been mistaken for bitchyness. I mustt asses myself and my feelings. and do some damge control with myself)
• my Diary is no more :( i just never write on it anymore! and I was so good at it!
• I have a shopping problem :/
• I have been betrayed by my mother. She told the whole world of my decision to leave UCSD. I can’t even write about this because of how disgusted I am with that bitch. she said “well you would have posted it on facebook” FUCK YOU BITCH I FUCKING HATE YOU! of course, I’ve never had the relationship with my mom where I can tell her my feelings. In my family you don’t have feelings. You just don’t.So I told her “ya no eres mi madre vieja ascerosa. me fayastes. eres la peor madre del mundo y no mereses nada.”  she didn’t give a fuck. Fuck that bitch. If I can’t have the mother I deserve, I’ll give her the bitch daughter she deserves.
• My wisdom teeth curt:( and they are stinky. Infection? :O thye bleed everytime I brush them.
• I hate frozen food.
• My hair just wont turn the shade I want it!! >:/ salon? pay $80 ? UGGGHHHHH
• I just can’t let go of the past. The Demon keeps popping up in my mind and desperate-texting my boyfreind. Will I ever recover from that traumatizing experience? I know Josh loves me more than anything. And he has forgotten about her, but sometimes I wonder why?! why did that all happen to me? why DID it happen? why couldn’t she have just been happy for her best freind? why did she have to ruin me? 
• I am constantly afraid she’ll make up a really good lie or something and I will believe it. Even though I know Josh would never leave me, not even for the most beautiful, intelligent woman.
• I hate that someone has that much power over me. I don’t like not being able to control my emotions.
• aagh. well. maybe the remedy I just to grow up?  only time will tell….
• I need to lose these lb’s all this stress has given me. ..that’s easy though:)